July 17, 2009

The Exorcist- Or, Kevin Really Didn't Like His Dinner

There's so much to blog about since I last did an in-depth post, that I don't really know where to begin.

So, let's start with every crewmember's favourite- Vomit. (Note- this post is not for the squeamish- so read at your own risk)

It all began fairly normally. The flight was a cross-country red-eye. We started out with a bbit of a delay in the terminal, which of course the passengers loved at that time of night. Most of them were ok, and boarding for once went pretty quickly, with only a few of the usual hiccups that happen on a widebody plane when it's full in back AND front. Of course there were one or two of the 'I fly all the time & I ALWAYS have four bags with me' type, but I handballed that one to the gate agents, as I feel they need more practise at this issue in this port, and need to stop leaving it for me to deal with!

The flight was absolutely chockers in economy, with a few passengers not happy that they didn't get their preferred seats. The good thing is, each boarding pass shows a 'sequence number', which tells us how far down the queue they checked in. So the ones who try to fib and say they checked in early, when we know they were 3rd last on a full Boeing, don't get far with the complaints when we tell them we know they checked in after all the aisle & window seats were gone. Sure, you hate that seat, but SOMEONE has to get it, and you were number #257 to check in. Sorry buddy.

We got through the service, which consists of a cart service serving hot meals & drinks, followed along by the tea & coffee. Lots of wine drinkers on this flight. Usually are a lot on red-eye flights, particularly on cross-country flights, because the drinks are free. Some of course try to take advantage, and ask 6 different crew for the same drink, but we are on to that! :p

After the service, we turned down the lights so people could sleep. I had done a water & juice round with one of the other crew, and I was just leaving the mid galley curtains to go to the aft galley when a kid came running up the aisle toward me. At first, I thought Kevin was just being one of those kids who has to run around the plane annoying people. As the kid got closer though, I could see he was crying. My next thought was 'lost child'- happens all the time on such big planes.

Then I noticed Kevin was crying AND holding something rather disgusting. Yep- Kevin's cupped hands were full of vomit (EW). One look at Kevin & I knew the vomit volcano was about to blow. No way was I letting that kid get in the galley to puke his little guts all over our crew haven- we still had a good 4 hours to go!

I whipped Kevin around quick smart and pushed him towards the lavs, telling him "Go to the toilet, quickly mate!" As we rushed back down the aisle, Kevin could contain it no more.

Bleeeeeuaaaaarghhhhhhh..... all over row 34. I grab his head and hold it down so any more spew goes on the floor, and not on my unfortunate pax, who look as though they are about to do the same. It's like one of these dreams where you're running but getting nowhere- the lav looks a thousand miles away, and Kevin is still puking for all he's worth. The pax sit there like stunned deer, not hearing or ignoring my demands to give me a sick bag. Fine- we soldier on, and finally get to the lav, only it's locked. I whip Kevin inboard, towards the disabled lav, which, thank god, is blissfully empty. Ufortunately, he throws up right as I do this, so the crossover & a good portion of the floor at Doors 3 is covered in sick. I fling open the door & the lid of the toilet right as Kevin goes again- except instead of doing as I thought, Kevin considerately decides to throw up in the basin instead. Guess we can consider this bathroom useless for the rest of the flight. Poor engineer, well someone has to get the chunks out of the drain right?

I leave him to it, and pop my head around the bulkheead, ding a call bell 3 times, and when I see a crew's face appear around the rear galley curtain, I hold up my hands & wave my fingers, mouthing the word GLOVES!!

The other crew arrive brandishing gloves & antiseptic wipes. One goes off in search of Kevin's parents, while the other cheerfully informs me that 15 rows worth of the plane aisle is covered in the remnants of Kevin's supper. Lovely. Just then a rather steamed frequent flyer decides to tell me I am not doing my job because the aisle is full of vomit. I apologise and explain that my hands are rather full. Right at that moment, Kevin emerges from the toilet and pukes all over the guy's shoes.

Have to give the little tacker a 10/10, I haven't seen that much sick come from one person ever, much less a 5 year old. I don't know, he must have eaten more than his dinner to end up like that!

In hindsight, it was kind of funny.


  1. I love the fact that Kevin later puked on the frequent flier's shoes. That was the icing on the cake for you not 'doing your job'


  2. I know, it was like the god of Crew Karma smiled down from the heavens at that moment :P

  3. ahahahhah Hey I had a kevin puke on my flight back from LHR the other. And I had to clean up ! Mother didn't say a thank you or nothing. Just sat there, looking at me with a cheeky little grin on her f***face. Thank god I had the super-absorbant with me and gloves. Pax around cheered me up with jokes.

  4. I know, someparents are oblivious. I mentioned in a Tweet, turns out Mum&Dad of Kevin were too busy chugging free wine :S

  5. and you still like your job? LOL Gal, I've missed your blogs!

  6. lol I love how he puked on the frequent fliers' shoes!! thats for being an ignorant bastard!
    but what amazes me is how much puke lil Kevin had!

  7. I think I wouldn't have been able to stop myself saying to the frequent flier, "Will there be anything else, Sir?" in my most sarcastic of tones.

  8. I don't know how you do it TT

    I would have taken the little runt into the Lav - flushed his head about half a dozen times then tossed him in an overhead locker for the rest of the trip.

    Surely you must want to kill some of these passengers!

    And also glad the the Frequent Flyer got a dose of vomit - what a cockhead

  9. Just reading about it makes me sick, and then having to smell it for the rest of the flight, disgusting! Are the sprays you guys use really strong, to take away the smell.

    I was once on this carrier and the lavatory was stinking before we even took off. I was seated right by it, so whenever someone opened the door to go in, the whiff would fill the air! This happened for the entire length of the journey. Fortunately I did not land up throwing up!!

  10. Kevin would have filled the barf bag hey?

  11. Loved that he puked on FF... sweet payback indeed!


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