Steven Slater- Sliding Into Infamy...

I'd originally planned to write about a much different subject, but that was Before Slater.

If you somehow missed the coverage, here's the story.


Yesterday, a JetBlue flight attendant, after an altercation with a passenger about obeying the seat belt sign, finally decided enough was enough. He announced over the PA system that the passenger in question had called him a "mother-----r" and responded with a "F--- Y--" of his own, grabbed a couple of beers from the aircraft bar, opened the door to inflate the emergency escape slide and ran away home.

While I don't condone Mr Slater's behaviour, I can understand where he is coming from. I've worked in the airlines for around 5 years and sometimes wonder if putting up with all the abuse from rude passengers is worth it. Imagine 20 years of putting up with the same, not to mention watching your working conditions and pension fund slowly eroding away.

In my time flying, I've either experienced or witnessed the following:

- A passenger calling me a "C---", because I asked her to turn off her phone (for the third time)

- A male passenger shoving a junior FA when she told him we didn't have any more newspapers onboard

- One passenger kicking the back of another passenger's seat so hard it broke

- Passenger spitting in the face of a ground staff member

- Passenger punching a female check-in agent because he was late and missed his flight

These are just a fraction of the types of things that go on every day. As far as I know, only the puncher got any serious punishment (but not including jail time as he had no prior offences)

In addition to the argument with the passenger, Mr Slater's father had recently died, and he was caring for his mother who is suffering from cancer. It's easy to see why he went over the edge.

While Mr Slater clearly deserves some sort of consequnce for his behaviour, I don't think jail time is the solution. It will only punish his dying mother. Perhaps some sort of community work and anger management/de-stressing course would be more appropriate.

The public response has been surprising. The overwhelming majority of the general public support Slater, citing that they too have had enough of inconsiderate and rude behaviour from others. Twitter has been going crazy with news about the event, support for Steve and rightly questioning if the passenger concerned will face any repercussions for her part in the drama. (So far, there has not been much mention of her, and one article stated that as yet, she has not been questioned by police.)

Of course, there are those whose opinion is that Slater endangered the aircraft by deploying the slide. On the surface that may be true, but think about this. Flight attendants are trained to operate slides correctly. Even in a fit of frustration, it is very hard to override that training. He would have known not to open the door if ramp staff or vehicles were present. Checking that little window is clear is a daily habit of many years, and is an automatic response for most flight attendants when going anywhere near a door handle.

Think about the passengers we always hear of in the news, getting drunk and disorderly for no real reason other than they didn't want to switch off their BlackBerry or weren't allowed to have another beer. More often than not, they get let off with a slap on the wrist and a few hundred dollars poorer for the fine. I've noticed this is the case even where the aircraft has been diverted- actions that cost far more than re-packing a slide and a few delayed flights. Now, critics of Mr Slater are saying he should go to jail, for as long as 7 years? Killers and rapists get less than that. What Mr Slater did was wrong, but he deserves some compassion. Clearly his normal way of thinking was not there. He deserves help, not jail. I hope he gets it.

You Drive Me Crazy...

Now we all know how much crew love to bitch about discuss passengers & their weird behaviour. It's almost an Olympic sport amongst flight attendants. We'll talk about it for hours on end, giggling at the silly things passengers do, and ranting about the plain annoying and downright rude behaviour that some people exhibit when they travel by air.

But, my dear reader, there are actually some flight attendants out there who are just as guilty of annoying, inconsiderate behaviour. And boy, do they Drive Me Crazy!

It starts when I get to the airport. We sign on in the crew base, and do the required things like check our mailboxes, rosters and make sure we're up to date with the latest operational memos.

PARKING SPACES
Ms Inconsiderate blows in right before check-in time, parks her bag in front of the mailboxes and proceeds to lean on the counter before the sign on computers, chatting to her friend and not actually using, thus preventing me from printing my roster & making me late for briefing. I also can't get to my mailbox because her ten ton bag is in the way.

CREW: Be quick when printing and watch where you put your bags. Just because you have time to chat, doesn't mean everyone else does.

WORK IT
Briefing time. The working positions get allocated. Now strictly speaking, there's not any seniority, but the generally recognised procedure is you let the crew who have been there longer than you have first pick of position, if that's what they want. Sometimes it's just easier to let the 10 year seniors work where they want, to avoid crankiness during the flight.

The in-flight manager asks me where I want to work. Ms Newbie shows up, looks around smugly (knowing full well I'm a cabin person not galley) and says she would really rather not work galley and wants cabin. The manager, being not the sharpest tool in the shed, ignores the fact that Newbie interrupted me and gives her cabin position, which means I'm stuck with galley. I'll work with it, of course, but it's the principle. I'd just spent the last 5 days doing galley position, and working about 4 legs each day. I was tired and wanted a break from counting drinks and stupid coffee brewers that decided not to work.

CREW: Even if your airline has no seniority, be aware of not putting yourself first all the time and occasionally consider that one of the other crew might always get stuck working a position that they hate. Suck it up for once and just do it.

STOW IT
One of my biggest crew pet peeves is flying with people who have no idea how to stow luggage. For example, as we board, Newbie is working at the front of the plane but comes and throws her bags right above the overwing exit rows. Thanks love, you just took up space my pax need because they have no option of floor stowage. I tell her to move her stuff and she cracks it. I tell her there is a perfectly good bag stowage at the front of the plane and she should use it. It's not exactly rocket science, but if I'm travelling with 2 or 3 bags, I try to spread them out around the cabin so they don't take up an entire locker, and thus deprive a whole row of stowage space.

Some aircraft are better than others in that they have dedicated spaces for crew to stow luggage. Others don't, and that's where we get to play Baggage Tetris during boarding.

CREW: Think about where your station is, and don't take up space that another crewmember needs for their bags or for passenger bags. Sure, our baggage takes priority but there's no need to be smug about it. Make it easy for the passengers, and it makes it easier for you.

EAT IT

Another frustrating crew behaviour is that of the food-hogger. Not only are they selfish, they are usually lazy too. Picture a flight with every seat filled, a dozen call bells going off at once, screaming babies, broken tv screens and all that fun stuff.

While the lazy crew members do their thing in the galley, suddenly having gone deaf and unable to hear and/or see the call bells, I'm left to run around the cabin like a headless chicken; mopping up vomit, distributing drinks and re-stocking the toilet rolls.

Meanwhile, the Food Hoggers are descending on the galley carts like a voracious locust horde, devouring everything remotely edible and leaving only the saddest, most pitiful and tasteless meal items in their wake. After slogging my way through three dozen drink requests, I return to the galley, starving, only to find not a scrap of edible/desirable food left (including my own that I put in the ice bin) for lunch. Needless to say, I see red.

CREW: How about waiting until the service is done before you chow down on that crew meal, and hey, while we're at it, how about taking a vote to see what everyone else wants before you take the choicest meals?

Once upon a time at a certain airline I returned to the galley after dealing with a vomit volcano of massive proportions, not really wanting to eat (but needing to due to the 12 hour duty we were doing). I got there only to find that there were no meals left. (There should have been). On questioning the girl who was shovelling chicken stir fry into her mouth as to why she was eating the last meal, she responded with "You were gone so long I thought you weren't eating." Oh, REALLY? How about getting of your ass and helping me clean the sick that had been working its way toward the back of economy???? Too hard for the Food Hogger, apparently.

Which brings me to...

GALLEY VULTURES

These are the crew who, despite knowing that you're still busy with the service, hang around the galley like starving seagulls hoping to score a hot chip. Even worse are the ones who get in there when your back is turned, opening carts and foraging for the best items. I once had a whole set of business class chocolates go missing before we'd even served the coffee. One must be very vigilant when there are galley vultures around, and shoo them back to Economy at the first opportunity!!! I should add that hungry, pilfering pilots also fall into this category, and the only worse pilot is the one who calls constantly for coffee during a busy service.

(I solve this problem by teaching them to make their OWN coffee, thus removing the need for my intervention at all... very handy!!!!)

CREW: For goodness' sake, if I'm still doing the service and you're not going to help before raiding my galley, GO AWAY!!!!

BUMPER CARS
For those of you reading this who have ever worked a tray service, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. There are some crew members around who just have NO clue when it comes to how to use a meal cart properly. Firstly, some don't use the brakes. EVER. I'll be turning around to pass someone a drink only to get hit from behind by a cart rolling down the aisle because my colleague doesn't have enough sense to put the brake on. I don't know about you, but I was always trained that the person at the head of the cart puts the brake on. Since then, I like to work under the motto that whoever moves it puts the brakes on. Of course, I always check to be sure, but when I'm a few rows away and my co-worker is stupid, sometimes it can't be avoided that the brake gets left off.

Also, it is quite difficult to be the person going backwards on a cart. Not only is walking backwards in a straight line quite difficult (humans are not really built for this), you have to factor in the motion of the plane and also that it's nearly impossible to look over your shoulder to see what is going on. You have to rely on your cart partner to tell you if you're going to trip over/hit a passenger.


Some crew are bad at this. They're in their own little world, ignoring elbows, knees and sometimes heads on their way up the aisle. Adding to the trouble is the fact that most ignorant cart operators also tend to push too fast. Walking backwards is difficult enough, let's not add speed into the equation! As the person facing the passengers, it's up to me to look ashamed about the fact we just slammed little Kevin in the head (even though we asked Kevin's parents five hundred times not to let him hang into the aisle.)

The other thing these crew tend to do is move the cart when you're not ready. Quite often, they're oblivious to the fact that the other person is bending down to put something in the cart. Two scenarios abound: moving the cart away so the tray gets dropped all over the floor because Crew #2 wasn't expecting the cart to move, or hitting Crew #2 in the head while they're trying to put a tray away. EXTREMELY frustrating! I find having one hand on the cart handle while I bend down is a good way to prevent the head smash and resultant unflattering bruise that comes with it!

CREW Think about what you're doing, where you're going and whether the other crew member is going to get hit if you move the cart. Good cart teams rarely have to talk to each other about what they're going to do; they just know.

So there you have it, just some of the bad crew behaviours that annoy me. It's not just the passengers!!! ;)

Now my fellow crew- tell me YOUR pet crew peeves. You can leave a comment or hop on over to my Twitter page.

(Photos: Google Image Search)

Did I Just See Sharon Stone..?

Recently, I was required by my company to deadhead to another base to operate a trip as they were short of crew due to sickness. Now usually when we travel as passengers for work, they try to put us in the premium area. Unfortunately, because they were short-crewed, some flights had been cancelled and combined into one, meaning more passengers in those seats. So my fellow crew members and I made the trip in economy. I don't mind economy, it's fine if you're prepared, but it was annoying to be in economy when we saw some of the people who DID make it into the premium section. One was a lady who I thought was a fare-paying passenger, but actually turned out to be on a staff ticket.

As Sky High Boy has mentioned on his blog, there's certain rules & restrictions when staff use their travel benefits. One of these things includes dress codes, and this girl certainly didn't meet them. Let's just say that hooker heels and skin-tight dresses are not appropriate attire for travelling on any kind of staff ticket, even if she was going on holidays. Every time there was someone waiting to use the lav, I was cringing inwardly when she shifted in her seat or uncrossed her legs, wondering if they were getting a good view of her breakfast. It was SO inappropriate! I actually marvelled that the cabin manager didn't say anything!

So, it kind of sucked to spend a flight in a middle economy seat surrounded by babies and having my seatback kicked when I knew that I was wearing the right clothes- and should have been seated there ahead of that girl who was wearing the wrong outfit. But I guess in a way it was good, because it reminded me what flying is like for the passenger and how to be more patient with them when they get upset about seat space, crying babies or their smelly neighbours!

Airport Don'ts

Getting through an airport is stressful at the best of times, and for crew members it can be no different. By the time we arrive at work (or are dropped off by the crew van) we literally have minutes to get to the gate, not to mention manage the maze that is airport security.

As a crewmember who is often in a rush, I've been able to observe some airport behaviours "Don'ts" which I thought I'd share with you. If you're guilty of any of these airport 'sins', then now is the time for change and to become a better citizen of the concourse :)

WALKING IN A LINE
Ok, we get it, you want to stay with your group. But there's no need to take up the whole concourse, blocking the way for anyone else who might want (or need) to pass by quickly. The biggest offenders of this particular 'Airport Ettiquette Infraction" seem to be families. Have a 'buddy system' if need be, so no one gets lost, but walking 6-abreast in a crowded departures hall is not good airport citizen behaviour. Walking in pairs in a large group is better than everyone walking side-by-side like a chorus line!

NOT PAYING ATTENTION
So there's a million things to distract you when you're in the airport- finding the right gate, making sure everyone you're travelling with made it through security, and so forth. But not paying attention to your surroundings can lead to disharmony in Departures. Hearing high heels coming up behind you at a fast pace? Probably a crewmember on a fast transit- make sure you keep to the side to allow them to pass. In an unfamiliar airport? Take time to know your gate number and check an airport map to see where you want to go. Another thing- watch what you're doing with your wheeled bags- I've seen many flight attendants have their shins taken out by inattentive people on the concourse and believe me, it's PAINFUL to work a 10-hour flight after being bashed in the legs or run over by a ten-ton carryon that someone is carelessly dragging behind them.

GIVE WAY
Think of the airport concourse like the road: if you're moving more slowly then everyone else, stick to one side so they can pass. Don't come to a dead stop suddenly without giving any warning- you're likely to cause a pile-up. If you're facing a conflict from on-coming people, the rule is: people without bags should give way to people WITH bags. It's harder to move quickly when you're pulling a bag, so if you are not dragging a bag, give way. In the case of two "baggaged" persons conflicting, the rule is generally larger has right of way. For example, the businessman with one light rollaboard gives way to the lady with 10 cases on a baggage cart.


KEEP LEFT (OR RIGHT)
As for the concourse, so for moving walkways, stairways and narrow areas. Stick to one side. Don't be the oblivious idiot blocking the escalator with a hundred fuming, late passengers and crew behind you. Observe where people stand on the moving walkway- most countries it will usually be the same as the way they drive. In Australia, it's the left, and faster-moving people overtake on the right. When passing, move aside as soon as you have passed if you're standing still, to allow those in a hurry to pass by you as well. In the UK, people generally stand on the right, even though they drive on the left (due to history of escalator development). Be sure to observe signs on moving walkways and don't take items on them that are prohibited.

DON'T BE A HOG
Use only the seats that you need in the gate area. If it's crowded, don't take 4 seats so you can sleep, but leave others standing. That's just rude, and they might be the person who puts their seat back in your face for 12 hours if you make them mad. If you must sleep, find an out of the way place. An acceptable time to use seats for sleeping is when you're delayed, and everyone is doing it- but be sure to check you're not depriving someone who needs a seat more than you, like the elderly or disabled. Remember, children are more adaptable and can sit on the floor. Children ideally should not deprive adults of seats, particularly adults carrying items or wanting to do work on computers. I was brought up this way, and I can assure you good travel karma will result. There's nothing to be gained by making your potential seatmates mad before the flight has even started!

TURN IT DOWN
Watch your video, listen to your music, play that video game by all means. But for the love of all that is holy, please, PLEASE use earphones. All of Gate 22D does NOT necessarily want to know what songs are on your 'Making Out' list, and bear in mind just because it's YOUR laptop or iPod, not all movies are suitable for watching in public places. (Tip: Leave these at home, because the FAs WILL tell you off if you try watch them on the plane) The earphone rule also applies for parents letting kiddies watch portable DVD players. 4 hours of Dora the Explorer is enough to make any crewmember consider cracking that exit open... ;)

MIND YOUR PEES AND QUEUES
There's toilets in almost every departure lounge. Use them. The last thing crew want is to have you do the mother of all dumps right before takeoff, thus gassing them out for a minimum of twenty minutes when the lavatory onboard is located next to the crew seats. When you're waiting four hours, it is not acceptable to ask the crew if you can pee during boarding- that's what airport toilets are for. Queue in an orderly manner. Be sure not to queue across other gates, walkways or the fronts of shops. If you must, join the queue at a right angle to encourage others to queue behind you, avoiding blocking access past the queue to others. Don't be gate lice (or as I like to call them, "seagulls") Just because there's an agent at the gate, doesn't mean boarding is starting. There might be preboard passengers or a technical issue, so jumping up as soon as a door opens and crowding right in there isn't going to help you. You've got 10 hours to enjoy that tiny aircraft seat; use the time to go buy a magazine- or better yet- a last restroom stop before boarding :)

DO UNTO OTHERS
Above all, treat others as you would like to be treated yourself! Consideration goes a long way in the airport, and believe me, airline staff notice and your behaviour might just be the difference between Middle-Seat Hell and Upgrade Heaven!

Hope these tips have been useful to you and will help you navigate the airport a little better next time. Have a great trip!

And Baby Makes Fee...

With all the extra fees being added on to airline tickets these days, it seems that everyone is looking to get the best deal. (Aside from the fact that booking a lo-co ticket is always going to mean 'add-on' fees)

One area where this seems to be the case is parents travelling with babies. I was researching other subjects but came across some information which prompted me to write this post.

It seems that some parents are reluctant to cough up the extra cash to buy another seat and bring a baby seat on the plane with them. With airfares getting cheaper and cheaper, I just don't understand this. It's like saying, the baby seat weighs more so the car uses more petrol, let's not bother with that today'. If you wouldn't take your baby in the car unrestrained, then you definitely shouldn't be flying with it unrestrained, either.

In Australia, the laws require lap-held children up to the age of 2 years to make use of the infant seat belt. Parents may also take the option of buying another seat for a car seat for the child. There are certain devices out there, designed by US companies, for use in the United States, that can be used for older childen, or in once case used by babies as well. The thing to remember with these gadgets is, they may not be approved for use in countries outside of the US. For example, the Baby B'Air would not be allowed on Australian carriers, because the law mandates use of the infant seat belt. It doesn't matter that you prefer your own device, or that 'I can hold onto my baby'- the law says the seatbelt must be used, and baby could be on the ceiling before you even know there is turbulence! So it pays to check where your device can and can't be used.

(For the record, the CARES child restraint harness can be used on most Australian carriers)

Here's a few other "travel don'ts" when you're in the air with kids:

1. DON'T expect flight crew to babysit, clean up after or otherwise provide for your children. Most of the time, we're happy to help, but as a parent, your child is your responsibility. Have extra snacks on hand, just in case your child doesn't like the airline food. Bring plenty of milk or formula if that is what they drink- we have limited milk supplies and usually no formula on board and delays do happen.

I remember being extrememly disgusted with one father when he was more interested in finishing his Jack & Coke than cleaning up his daughter who had just vomited on herself. I literally had to tell him step by step to go get her some clean clothes and then I had to calm her down because she had cried so much she was sick again. If you want to travel with kids, don't expect anyone else to do your parenting for you. Be happy when you get help, but know that it can't (and won't) always be there.


2) We know you're exhausted, and you want to sleep, but NEVER put baby on the floor to sleep. If you must, take turns sleeping while the other looks after baby. If you're a single parent, consider having a friend accompany you. It is not safe to put children on the floor to sleep, and it is NOT fair to expect the flight crew to entertain & supervise your children while you knock yourself out with a Valium. (Not to mention completely impractical if an emergency happens- sorry but your kid is going to end up alone if there's a fire or other emergency)


3) You might think your kids are cute, but after 16 hours no-one else will. Staring games are fun for a few minutes, but know when to make them stop. If other passengers are happy to interact with your kids, great! But please don't take this as a sign to dump the kids with your newfound friends for half the flight. Flight attendants are not there to babysit, but we WILL ask you to keep a handle on your kids if they're getting rowdy & noisy, or bothering other people. And please don't get angry if they do so- it generally takes a lot for us to step in and ask you to parent.

4) "Please keep seatbelts fastened until the seatbelt sign has been switched off" means- seatbelts. All of them. Yes even the mini one that the baby is wearing. Yes even the one your five year old is screaming about wearing. And yes, even the one that holds the car seat on even though the seat weighs 50 kilos it can. still. move. without. a seatbelt.

So many parents roll their eyes and tell me that "nothing is going to happen". Like the time a baggage tug overturned and one of the carts went flying in front of our taxiing aircraft, the pilots hit the brakes and unrestrained toddler, standing on a seat, went flying into the galley and split her face open. Sure nothing's going to happen on the ground.

And to the lady in 16E yesterday, I saw you toss your 9 month old up in the air, playing 'catch'- while we were still on the runway after landing.

Put That Down...

Conversations on Twitter earlier today got me to thinking about how some people's behaviour changes when they travel on an aircaft. They might be the sanest, most normal people in the world in their everyday lives; but put them in an airport, through check-in, past security and as most crew will know, they turn into slightly crazy weirdos who do odd things.

For example, one of my Twitter posts was mentioning how some people board through the premium part of the plane, see things set out on the counters for the service, (such as drinks) and help themselves.

The rationalisations for such behaviour include 'I paid for a ticket too', 'They looked nice' and 'I just wanted one'. That's all well and good, but what it boils down to is, to put it bluntly, stealing. If you bought an economy seat and you take something meant for premium economy, business or first (without asking first), you're technically stealing it, because you didn't pay for it. Those drinks laid out on the counter, that magazine in the book rack, the newspaper you lifted from a premium seat- they all belong to the people who paid for the seats in that class.

Another example of this is 'helping yourself' to things from galleys or other service areas when the crew aren't looking. These include things like eye-shades, alcohol, extra meals or snacks. The most serious one though, is the alcohol. Believe it or not, I've actually caught passengers with their hands inside bar carts, rummaging around for a drink and thinking this is ok. When we ask for the drinks back, they get mad, and say "I've bought a ticket, I'm entitled to it". Actually, they're not.

Alcohol is a controlled item (and on international flights is bar-bonded by Customs & inspected on landing). Taking alcohol without it being served to you by the crew actually breaches the liquor licensing laws in some countries, and is technically a crime onboard the aircraft. So if you do it, and get caught, don't be surprised when the crew cut you off from having any more drinks. It always surpises me that people ge tmad when told they cannot just help themselves to booze- I mean, come on- would you jump behind the bar in your local pub and just start filling up on drinks? I don't think the barman or bouncers would be very happy!

Then there's the other items- like extra meals, snacks, blankets or taking 3 pillows for yourself even though you only need one.

All this means that some other passenger (who also paid for their ticket) misses out because some people don't know the boundaries. If you want two pillows, fine. Wait until everyone else has got one before you take a second. Or if it's that important that you be comfortable, bring your own! (Novel idea huh?) By all means, ask for any of these things, but please don't just help yourself... because most of the time, you definitely won't be helping others.

Photos: Wine-By Hirox on Flickr, Attendant- NyDailyNews.com,

TT is Off the Hook!

That's TT as in me, not Tiger Airways, by the way. (I was TT way before they even existed in Australia!)

Well if you have read my Tiger Airways trip report, you may recall I had a little run-in with the staff regarding taking pictures on the tarmac. It wasn't so much being told I couldn't take pictures that was the problem, but that the staff member concerned tried to fob me off by saying it wasn't a Tiger policy, but an airport one.

Boy, she picked the wrong person to use that line on. Thing is, I used to WORK for that airport, and there was never any policy in place at that time, which she tried to tell me had been a policy since 2006. (Wrong).

Anyway, just to clarify and make sure nothing had changed since then, I got in touch with the airport authority. I was referred to their security operations manager. I had a nice chat with him regarding this little exchange. (EDIT: For clarity, the airport concerned is Perth)

The outcome was that taking 'holiday pics', or photos for personal use (i.e. not to sell) is ABSOLUTELY 100% FINE according to airport rules. The only time it's not allowed is if you want to do a commercial photo shoot, in which case you just need prior permission & access agreements. In his words, taking a photo of the plane you are boarding is not a crime, it is not forbidden, and it is most certainly NOT against airport policy. So really, Tiger staff were wrong to say that the 'no photo' rule came from the airport. As the security operations manager said, if it were against airport policy, they would have signs saying so, as they do with the 'No Mobile Phones' sign at the gates.

So Tiger, please tell your staff to stop giving out incorrect information to your passengers. You can tell us not to take photos on your planes (if you really want that crappy publicity on your hands) but you can't say no to us taking our holiday pics on the tarmac!

PHOTO: Zimbio.co

EDIT: Tiger Airways responds that Melbourne Airport advise them tarmac photos are not allowed. Perhaps in the interests of clear information, Tiger should add this to their website, as currently there is no information aside from mobile phones. Interestingly, there's a Facebook group for Tiger staff and at least one photo in thhere is taken on the tarmac at what looks to be Melbourne airport. So, either it's a security breach, or it isn't...

Anyway, I'll always do what staff ask me on board flights, but in Perth at least, I'll happily snap my pics thanks very much!

When "Being Helpful" Really Isn't

Sitting at the desk in my hotel room, listening to the baby in the room next door cry. It's not so much the crying that's the problem, but the fact that whenever I turn up the tv to drown out the noise, the baby cries even more. The walls in this joint are too darn thin! I mean I'm trying to watch a tv show at regular volume, for goodness' sake! I shouldn't be able to hear the baby as though it's in the bathroom. (Hang on, is there a baby in the bathroom? Nope- just checked, in case)

The tv show in question was one I just happened upon by chance, called 'Drop Dead Diva'. Basically, hot shallow girl dies & gets reincarnated into the body of a mousy lawyer. Hilarity ensues. Well, I didn't think it was that bad, so given that I remember to watch regular tv next week, and not just cable, I'll watch it again. Just to see what happens.

I was getting a bit hungry by the time the show ended, so I headed to a nearby convenience store to get some supplies. This is proving kind of hard as at the moment I'm on a diet- of sorts. No eating carbs after 8pm. Which is harder than it sounds. Given that I've never really been on a diet in my life, it's proving to need willpower. Out of the multitude of choices there I settled on the least evil of spicy capsicum dip (2g of carbs per 100g) and celery sticks. I don't think celery has carbs, but even if it does, I'm sure I read somewhere that you use up more energy eating it than you get out of it, anyway.

Okay. So, first leg of the trip went pretty well. Crew were nice, which is always good. One of them slightly crazy, but in a good way. She was really funny. Even had a show & tell of her tattoo in the rear galley! I was in charge of the emergency exits for this flight. I had all seats full, so I did the briefing. Then the final passenger to board tells me that someone is sitting in his seat. It's in the exit row. I check all of the boarding passes, just to make sure that no-one got past 3 card checks onto the wrong flight. (Don't laugh, it has happened once or twice!)

Turns out a guy sitting in the exit row is meant to be in a different row. Since his friend is in the row in front, he thought they were sitting behind each other, and misread his boarding card. Happens a lot on this type of aircraft as the seat rows kind of sit above the seat backs, so heaps of people confuse row 13 for row 12. The guy sitting in the wrong seat is actually a well-known football player. Normally they love the exit seats for the extra leg room. But, he didn't get that seat, the other guy did, and he wanted his allocated seat. Fair enough. So I had to eexplain why he needed to move, and he seemed okay. Later, I thanked him for being understanding, and he said no worries. He then said he thought I might have brought him a meal from business class to make up for it. Make up for what, I thought. Seeing as there was no mistake on my part, there was nothing to make up for! If he had wanted an exit seat, he should have booked it. The other guy had every right to ask me to move him. Pffft, so funny!

The service went fine, aside from one or two things. One guy, who seemed to think he needed his beer quicker than anyone else, and wanted seconds before we had even finished serving the rest of the cabin, and a guy in a family of tray stackers. My fellow FAs shudder here, because they know what this means.

For my non-airline-savvy readers, let me explain. When passengers travel in a group, and they finish the meal, sometimes they think they will be nice & helpful and stack everything up in a pile, like at home when you take dishes from the dining table. That's all well & good, except it isn't actually helpful to us. When we pass out trays, they come from inside the meal cart (or trolley) which contains racks, kind of like inside the oven. Each 'slot' in the cart has room for one row of trays (whether that's 2 or 3 or 4).

On your tray, you have a meal, the cutlery, a cup and maybe a snack or other dessert item.

Each utensil, cup & dish is a specific shape & height to fit into the tray itself & also into the trolley, without disturbing the trays above and below it.

When people stack trays, what they tend to do is this: remove everything from the trays, and stack each tray on top of the other. Then, place all the dishes in a pile, the cups in a pile, and so on, putting these piles on top of the stack of trays, creating a nice little mountain of airline-logoed plastic. Often, a scrumpled napkin serves as a crown to this epic masterpiece.


Unfortunately, this stack of traydom doesn't fit in the trolley, and everything has to go back in the way it came out. There's usually no extra room anywhere. So what must happen? FA collecting trays must first take one empty tray & place it in the trolley, then place one set of utensils on that tray, and repeat, until all trays are back in original, yet empty, order inside the trolley. Add to this process a quick flight, full aircraft, and a 70% loading of 'stackers' out of the passengers on board, and you might begin to understand why your FA looks slightly grumpy when you hand her your little Mt Everest of stacked trays after dinner. We know you're trying to be helpful, but really you're not, you just create more mess for us to clean up. We know it's our job, but it makes it that much easier if you try to return everything how it was given to you. We expecially love this when it comes to blankets (folded on the seat is great), and if you cross your own seatbelt, well, you've just made crew friends for life! I can always pick a non-revving airline staff member- they're the one who leaves the seat pocket neat, with safety card facing out, and their seatbelt crossed when they leave! (Don't get me started on military charters- pure flight attendant bliss! It's tidy-airplane heaven! =)

Anyway, back to the dad. He had finished creating this masterpiece, but as is often the case, it was unevenly stacked. Just as we were about to reach his row to collect the trays, it crashed down around the place, sending cups and bread crumbs all over. Immediately he blamed my colleague for knocking it over. I felt like saying I saw it fall before we even got there, but you know, customer is always right, blah blah blah. It was so funny, colleague's face was hilarious. She was making faces as she couldn't be seen! I had to try clean it up without laughing. She said sorry to me, for having to pick it all up, but Mr Stacker thought she was apologising to him, and told her that so she should. The cheek...

The moral of the story? Hand back thy tray as thou would like thy tray handed back to you!

Believe it or not, there's even a Facebook group dedicated to the FA peeve of stacked trays!

Withdrawal Symptoms

hey all.

Having Inter-ma-net troubles at the mo so probably won't post much over the next week or so.

Just sucks as I had quite a bit to post, too. Am writing with my trusty Nokia smartphone, but to be honest it's a bit of a pain in the ass so I think I'll wrap it up here. Will try check in on you all when I get a hotel that doesn't charge $20 an hour for internet!

Oh what a mess!

Isn't it fun to get home from a day on the town, only to discover that the bottle of orange juice you bought ' to be healthy' (and not drink cola) has now leaked its pulpy self throughout the interior of your handbag.

Not only did my phone, wallet and sunglasses get the OJ treatment, but so did my cardigan, my USB stick and some important letters (both received, and to be sent) which are now rendered unreadable!

Why can't these companies make a bottle that actually IS leakproof?!?!?!

More about my latest jaunt in a day or two, I'm off to Sydney!